Monday, July 25, 2011

So... Amy Winehouse overdosed huh?

"Tried to make me go to rehab, but I said -" *Gurgle, Cough, Dies.*

Friday, July 22, 2011


Am I the only one who's getting shat off with the idea of every single application post Web 2.0 being all about connectivity?

What happened to the good old days, when "connecting with someone" meant a mutually consenting, responsible but thoroughly enjoyable exchange of genital fluids?

I don't fucking want my LinkedIn profile to be linked with my Facebook! People get into all sorts of drama precisely because they don't recognise Costanza's Law of Mixing Worlds...

Now don't get me wrong... Seinfeld was a singularly unfunny show, and it's my genuine and wholehearted belief that the cast had the collective talent of a guinea pig on crystal meth. But when then Writers conjured up this particular joke, they were on to something. It wasn't humour, but it was something

Never in my entire existence has any experiment which involved mixing "circles" in my life ended well, or as well as I'd hoped. Indeed, things always ran much much more smoothly when they were deliberately kept seperate. Not so much because of the concept of wearing different "faces" in different "circles", but because the people in each circle were connected to me for very different reasons. It's far less about me than it is about them.

To just assume that those close to you from one area of your life will mix perfectly with those from another area is a bit like Zionists claiming the territory which encompasses the current nation of Israel purely or primarily because "God gave it to us" (he also took it away IIRC) - By all means try it... but unsubstantiated arrogance, like the Australian Tax Office, is likely to come around and fuck you in the ass sooner or later and when it does don't be surprised if it doesn't a) wear a condom, b) use lube, or c) so much as buy you dinner first or comment on the nice purfume you went to the trouble of wearing (or buy you that thing you like).

So why, oh why, must everything be connected to everything else?

Google with Blogspot; News websites with Twitter; Facebook with everything... Say it ain't So, Steam!!! (I wonder if Mark Zuckerburg realises his child is the new media equivalent of an Essex Slapper?)

And we're not just talking about ideology... because, like most intelligent people, I like to have varying login details (Usernames, Passwords etc) from site to site I now get punished with login difficulties due to the shared nature of sites running contrary to stored browser cookies which used to be ok when sites didn't share authentication.

At this rate, bring on the Ron D Moore-sque AI revolt.

Here's something I'd like to "Share" with Zuckerburg, Page, Dorsey et al; I've got your connectivity Right Here....

Universal Dickhead Theory

It's been theorized that great minds think alike.

So, surely, the same must refer to dickheads (Best Wikipedia edit ever, just BTW)?

It was a nagging inkling at first, some kind of Spidersense-type itch on my frontal lobes that I just couldn't account for... but I had noticed that every single moron on the road (and in Perth, I assure you, there's a few), had a GPS stuck firmly in the centre of their windscreen. The nagging inkling graduated to a persistent concern when I was in Malaysia in March, driving my wife and parents back to Klang from a trip out to the Cameron Highlands...

Over a period of 4 hours, I'd realised that every single Malaysian who otherwise appeared to be missing a chromosome also appeared to be driving a Proton of one type or another.

And that's when it struck me...

"Just because you have/drive/use/think/like X does not make you a Dickhead. However, every Dickhead I've ever met has/drives/uses/thinks/likes X".

It's a wonderfully universal theorum, and you can use it in a wide variety of conversations and contexts - everything from GPS, Malaysian Drivers and anime to politicians, Lord Monckton or The West Coast Eagles.

Speaking of which, I am genuinely pleased to actually see the Eagles doing better this year, and although Freo's had a couple of decent wins of late (Sorry Sydney fans, as much as I usually like you... See that at 4:24? That's a throw, kids. Accept some reality or alternatively, Eat a Dick) I actually think the Eagles will win this one pretty convincingly.

Also, Dat Ass.

In other football news, I'm afraid my Dream Team has also been munching on penor - mainly thanks to the Sub Rule. It's pissed enough of my mates off that our long-standing DT League will likely be given the Sodom and Gamorrah treatment next year.

More Generally, if you get a chance and you can afford it, go Here. You'll probably have to sell 57% of your mother's organs on the Chinese black market to afford it, but it's worth every penny... You'll note the two 'Poor' reviews. I would suggest to you that the first French poster is a greenie nutbag, and the second is a crack-addled whinger who needs a blow job really quite badly. Seriously, the place will probably be underwater in the next decade or two, so if you get the chance, don't pass it up.